There are words we don't use in this house. Most of them are four letters. You know the ones. Unfortunately, I slip on occasion and B slips...well...more than that. So if you walk in to my house, you might walk in to an "F" bomb here or there (seriously B has issues). I'm an "S" dropper. It's a bodily function, it's really not that bad. We try though, or at least I do. I stop him all.the.time and I often substitute my craving for the superlatives. Son of a biscuit eater is common place around here. Holy moly guacamole? Pretty much the norm! But where am I going with this? Well you see, although the 4 letter words are taboo, there is one word that is not ALLOWED to be mentioned here. It's not a 4 letter word because it's way more powerful than that. It has 6 letters and it starts with a C. You don't dare SAY it and you totally avoid thinking it.
That word is hurtful. It tears lives apart and it won't come in to this house...ever! If you don't say it, it won't enter. That's my rule! It's my house and I'm allowed to make the rules. But it entered my house this week. The word only thankfully. The thought had been there but no one dare speak it.
If you've followed along at all, you likely know what Bubby has gone through over the past year. I don't share it here often but if you're a FB junkie and we're friends, you know. A year ago, on September 13, 2011, Bubby woke up and he couldn't walk. Like for real couldn't walk. We were at Chuck E. Cheese and the baby tried to crawl to the rides. Yea, he really couldn't walk. After a worthless ER trip, we were assured that these were growing pains (my ass...that's a 3 letter word...I can use it). Xrays and sent home with Tylenol. We were refused a referral. Everything was fine (another 4 letter word). But it wasn't. He limped heavily for the next 9 days. He didn't complain. He did nothing unusual. He just walked like a peg legged pirate and went on about his business, falling here and there. But these were growing pains.
We were underinsured and broke. I didn't know what to do (and I used a LOT of 4 letter words while calling around). But no one wanted to help. And it subsided, after 10 days, and I hoped for the best but always feared the worst.
I work online. Of course I've Googled this often. Check it out. Google "causes of toddler limping". You'll see it and you'll know where this is going. I had hoped that last year was a one time event. Surely he had hit his leg or hip, or he was faking it like they said (I still call bull shit on that one, no 2 year old can remember to fake something for 10 days, no matter how smart they are). And the year was uneventful with regards to Bubby's limp. I had been wrong and I was never so glad to be wrong in my life.
Then Monday, it presented itself again as I told you yesterday. I wasn't going to F bomb take it anymore! This is my baby, there's something wrong, and someone was going to listen dang it! I bet I called 15 doctor's offices. I bet I talked to 12 rude receptionists and I bet I talked to 2 people who didn't know what in the heck they were doing. Then call 15 worked out. A nice independent practice that stayed on the phone and listened to the year long history. They wanted to see him! This was not right and these were not growing pains. Exactly!
And so we made the pilgrimage. I tuned off from social and Bubby and I headed for our visit to this new doctor. Would he listen? He did! To all of it. To the fact that my son should always be able to walk. That he doesn't "pee" right and that this limp is just.not.normal. So he did a host of physical tests. He saw the problems and he validated my concerns. He assured me that Bubby did not have any physical issues. There was nothing wrong with his bones nor his muscles. And so I asked, "What are you leaning towards?". His diagnosis was simple..."limp". But he explained that a limp can mean many things. It presents itself from many different causes and we have to figure out what the cause was. Anything from kidney, to thyroid, to "other things". I knew what "other things" meant. But I didn't ask. I just dutifully took my beautiful son to the lab at the hospital and watched the needles penetrate his skin and draw blood while he repeatedly said in a calm but teary voice "I want them to take that out of there now Mommy". I cried with him while reassuring him that all was fine and we would go home soon.
We left, went to "McDonald's Happy Meal" as promised and came home and picked Bug up from school. It was awkward here. B came home and I ran through the day's events. As always, he remained quiet and didn't express much emotion. He doesn't allow it.
I worked and I waited. Then around 4:30 pm, as B napped and the babies played, I got a call. It was the doctor's office. I breathed, gained my composure, answered, and waited for the best. The very pleasant nurse said the blood test results were in and much to my surprise, she continued in a way that I did not expect.
"Zachary's blood tests came back normal, his levels are all great, and there are no signs of Cancer". She'd said it out loud. The C word. I wanted to wash her mouth out with soap and I wanted to kiss her. They were looking for the one thing that I feared most. And she said the word. It was almost cleansing. For the record, his thyroid levels are good so that's out the window too. We're leaning toward kidney now because the family history is so strong. But we are leaning away from the C word. We have moved past the C word completely.
There were 10 minutes today, when we got home, that I just sat in the floor and held my baby and cried. He thought it was because I was upset about his needle like he was. He'll never know differently. I cried because I love him that much, I cried because I am so blessed to have his beautiful soul in my life, and to be quite honest, I cried because they broached the C word and I was afraid I would lose him. I'm thankful for today's results. I'm hopeful that we'll figure out what the problem is. But most of all, I'm thankful to have him in my life and that we don't have to use the C word, or think it, anymore!