I'm not ready to send my Bug to Kindergarten and she's not ready to go. I mean, I'm pretty certain I'll enjoy the peace and quiet and get a lot done but the emotional part is draining. I joked on Facebook about this, but I did start to cry when we walked in to the school.
Thankfully B is not very emotional by nature and looked at me, shook his head, and said "that's pitiful". It was light hearted but brought me back to reality and I was able to laugh it off and dry it up.
Then of course, to hide my emotions like I always do, I joked throughout the hallways and classrooms and people were laughing which pleased Bug. It's how I cope.
Longer story than you'd probably care to read but I got really worried when we entered the Cafegymatorium (yes, I made that up because all 3 are housed in one room and of course that was one of the big jokes of the night and the teachers started referring to it as such). But I had a big pit in the bottom of my stomach.
Bug, as you might have guessed, has some issues. How bad her "issues" are, we just don't know but I'm sure they will be evident this year and testing will be in order. For now, I just cope with her issues at home. But we entered that room and there were a gazillion people and lots of kids.
Kids were running on the stage and playing tag. Bubby immediately said "Could I go Mommy?". "Of course!" was my reply as we waited in line to sign up to be walkers for the year.
He ran up there with kids ages 5-10 and he blended perfectly and soon became the tag master and all of the other kids were laughing at his antics, as were B and I. Bug stood between her parents, as always, looking uncomfortable in the moment. I looked down at her, smiled and nodded, kind of prodding her to play with the other kids.
She smiled but looked awkward and ran to the stage. She immediately gravitated to her little brother to guide her way and he took her hand, as always. As they ran and played. I realized that she really NEEDS him in a crowd, or me, or her dad, she can't do it by herself. She's not just "bad", she doesn't get social norms...at all! I'm worried and I'm kind of (really) a wreck about it. I know I might be overreacting but this is consuming me and seeing her like that tonight worried me even more than I already was.
She's so different from my other kids. This is new to me. Bryana seriously soared when she entered school. No she was not a stellar student (far from it) but every one loved her...still does. Paetyn was my shy hot mess, but she always had a couple of close friends who took her under their wings and kept her calm and she blended (never soaring, but always fitting in). Matt was, and still is, antisocial but he doesn't care. He is his own best friend and intelligent and he's OK with it (I'm not but that's just me...YOU NEED FRIENDS). Angel is a trouble maker and tends to be a little on the nerdy side with a flair for disaster and drama (and expulsion which is why she is back with us again).
They have all done fine-ish in school in their own ways and I haven't worried about them like I do Bug. Bubby will do wonderfully although I never want to let him go. He's sociable, people young and old adore him, he makes every one laugh and at 3 (and OMG pushing the f word) he knows all of his letters, reads small words, knows all of his colors. You know...that kid! His speech problems will fix with time so I don't worry.
Bug is different. She lacks social skills, she's bossy, abrasive, screams (squeals?) when things go wrong. She says "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba" in a loud voice when she doesn't like something and she can be downright hateful at times. But she CARES that she doesn't fit in. It hurts her when people don't like her. She is prone to tears as quickly as she is prone to outbursts of anger. I'm just so worried and I know I keep saying that, but I'm just.so.worried! I want her to be unique, but I want her to fit in because she does care!
I love my Bug, despite her differences, possibly because of her differences, but I'm JUST.SO.WORRIED. I'm a Mom, that's what I do. Fingers crossed, all my worries are for nothing. Hopefully she'll be just fine and everything will fall in to place. In the meantime, send sparkles because this Momma is out!